You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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