I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
