I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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