I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
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His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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