she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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