so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
