Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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