I love black thongs
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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