I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
