they need to just BURY HIM!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
