He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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