Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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