he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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