I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
