Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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