I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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