The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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