I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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