did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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