Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
