hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
