We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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