I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My vagina just recognized that song.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
