Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
