If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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