The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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