Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
