wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
