it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
