I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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