Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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