I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
