And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
