So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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