all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
