Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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