I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
