just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
