my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
