More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
