Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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