You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
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Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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