I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
