the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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