Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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