She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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