sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
