dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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