Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
