You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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