Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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