Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
