So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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