the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
