My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
