Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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