it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
