...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
