Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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