I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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