Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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