he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
