I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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