Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
