so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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